When Alexander of Macedon was thirty-three, he cried salt tears that there were no more worlds to conquer… [Eric] Bristow is only twenty-seven!

Clay comes out to meet Liston and Liston starts to retreat,
If Liston goes back an inch farther he’ll end up in a ringside seat.
Clay swings with his left, Clay swings with his right,
Look at young Cassius carry the fight
Liston keeps backing, but there’s not enough room,
It’s a matter of time till Clay lowers the boom.
Now Clay lands with a right, what a beautiful swing,
And the punch raises the Bear clean out of the ring.
Liston is still rising and the ref wears a frown,
For he can’t start counting till Sonny goes down.
Now Liston is disappearing from view, the crowd is going frantic,
But radar stations have picked him up, somewhere over the Atlantic.
Who would have thought when they came to the fight?
That they’d witness the launching of a human satellite.
Yes the crowd did not dream, when they put up the money,
That they would see a total eclipse of the Sonny.

I am the greatest!

Last night I had a dream, when I got to Africa, I had one hell of a rumble.
I had to beat Tarzan’s behind first, For claiming to be King of the Jungle.
For this fight, I’ve wrestled with alligators, I’ve tussled with a whale.
I done handcuffed lightning and throw thunder in jail.
You know I’m bad. Just last week, I murdered a rock, Injured a stone, Hospitalized a brick.
I’m so mean, I make medicine sick.
I’m so fast, man, I can run through a hurricane and don’t get wet.
When George Foreman meets me, he’ll pay his debt.
I can drown the drink of water, and kill a dead tree,
Wait till you see Muhammad Ali.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

His face is sagging with tension.

As Freud said to Jung in Vienna, you can psych up too much for a darts match.

His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch.

William Tell could take an apple off your head, Taylor could take out a processed pea.